May seem like a teenage phase, girl doesnt like her parents, says she hates them, gets over it and grows up. But for me I know it's different. I can't seem to make myself like them for long periods of time. I have reasons, of course.

Dad- He was a drunk, druggie, beat my mum, shouted abuse at me and told me he hates me and wish i was never born, ruined my family, cheated on my mum for several years with a range of girls half his age and put her down every single day.

Helloo there.

Gosh aint bin on here since last year :p dont that sound funny to say haha. Well update:

Me and Malakye= Rather good tbh :) probs ave a argument tonite tho haha. Bad thing is that i ran up a £300 quid home fone bill just to his number and 100 from my mobile. me mum went mad lol so shes blockd mobile calls from our house fone. so i can only talk to im wen he gets free weekends lol. and shes took me mobile away till tha 28th. ive alreadi gon 2 weeks wivout it and its drivin me mad. well she hasnt took me mobile away but shes put me on sum crappy pay as u go, and seeing as thayve stoppd me money comin to me becoz ive gota pay off tha bill i havent got any money to top it up haha. but yano me own fault i gess.

Okaii well here goes.

Malakye has got something rong wiv him. hes got something in his stomache which is like wot a gurl has. and it mite stop him havin kids, but hes gona have an operation to get it removed. he told me bout 5-6 days ago. he dint wana tell me becoz he fort i wud think he was a freak and hate him. i kinda think to myself evry noe and agen that its a bit rank but its not his fault. i still love him no matter wot.

All i want is reasurin that everythings gone be o.k

All i need is for him to turn around and anser all my questions and tell me where not gona end up like my parents or his parents. thats all i want because im so scared. im so scared that im sinkin back into depression and all because i watchd eastenders!! lol. i no it sounds crazy but u no tha storyline where stacy and max have an affair. well my dad cheated on my mum wiv a gurl realy young and tbh makes me feel sick. and it made me realise that you could think everything is alrite and then one day find out all that is happenin. im so scared of that happenin because if im anything like my mum(which i am) i wuld go back to malakye. if it hapend wiv im tht is. only to be cheated on agen and agen.

Okaii So Evryfinks All good... i got Malakye Back. But to me, it seems like somethings missing. he's not even talkin to me much. drivein me nuts because if i did it to him he'd go mental. And i keep thinkin about me and Mason togetha for sum reason. I dont evan know why. hes supposed to be like a brother to me, yet i keep imaginein me and him. Onn boxing day im goin round his house and i just keep imagining kissing im then. its rong! so rong. But i cant Live wivout Malakye. its too hard. wen we wernt togetha, i atully tried to kill myself. it hurt that much that i tried to slit my rists. but my sister nockd on tha door and i slippd and ended up cuttin throo my leg. hurt like hell but yano.

Its So Hard Talkin to Him like Where just Friends. Its so Hard Talkin to him Not being Togetha. Its Like To him hes Actin like it doesnt bother him that where not togetha. i kno it dus because he tells me but right now its just like it dont. i Hate feeling like im tha only one that misses Tha fact where not togetha. Propa hurts. Then puts me in a mood which i cant be in because he hates it, And i said i'd change my moods and then we can be togetha. so Basicly its just Extremely Hard lol x

Just When i thought my Life couldnt get any worse. There i go again and i Do sumfink Stupid. Member how i Kissed Ellas Cuzan, Well that nite We told Sophie (ellas other Best Mate) about it and she Had to go and hint to Malakye about how shes got a secret about me. He went Mad saying all this about how all we do is lie and Keep secrets and all this. Dont blame im realy. So we Sed that Sum1 tried to kiss me but i pushed them off. He went Mental. Sayin he cant trust me and he never wants to be wiv me ever Agen. i Cant beleve ive Messed Evryfink up. He says he Loves me and Hates me. He trusted me wiv evryfink and then i do that.

Sorry Kids.

Aint Blogged in AAAAGES lol i just forget. Well basicly i used to complain about my lifw being so boring and nothings ever good happend. You know What. Right now i Fink i would Do anything just to get that simple boring un-eventful life back. Right now evrything Sucks in my life. I'm still with malakye (barely) and it'l be our 3 month anniversary on sunday. sounds a little time but TRUST ME it seems so much longer. so many things have happened. Too much to evan explain in one blog. Hes given me so much stress, marks are comin up all over my body. I have to take Steroid Tablets to control it. And when im 17-18 i haave to start chemotherapy to help stop it. Im so depressed these days i just walk around with a face like a slapped arse. Speaking of slapped arses lol, All these black boys in my year like me now. thay was to "lash" me haha which basicly means thay want to fuck me. Then yesterday i was talking to adam and he said Will (one of tha boys) ses bad things about me but he aint allowd to tell me wot. i sed was it that im butt ugly (as a joke) and he didnt answer. so great lol, im ugly :p haha.

Okaii big News!!

I Kno i Aint Blogged in like FOREVER but So much has happend i fink im gona Burst lol. Okaii so First up i Met malakye!! Last Saturday lol for tha First time. i Went Wiv Ella. My Best mate. we Dun a little Bit of Shoppin in london then Just walked around. Evan tho we dint Do much it was Still Grate. and He Kissed me for tha First time and stuff. Loved it. Then i saw him yesterday on mi own and gosh it was good. At first i was Angry wiv me and Then he was tryna get me not to be so wen i startd ta get un mad then he pushd me agenst tha wall and kissed me. then it got real intense like and i just cant explain it but it got him in tha mood of sex. then wen we wer walkn down an alley he pickd me up and kissd me and gosh it was grate. Then he was sittin down on sum steps and he pulled me onto him ta sit down and i started kissin him and he lent back so he was kinda layin down and i was on top of him and kissin him. it was propa grate but it got him in tha mood so much.

Well Hello There...

Ive bin on Holiday in Morroco So i Havent bin Bloggin. Gawsh it Was AMAZE im not evan Jokinn, It was atully Grate. First Blog in Ages haha..

i swear to god tho there are so mant perves out there. Bout 3 men asked for my Adress Sum for my Number and all tha rest Just stare at u and call u beautiful and evryfing haha. Me and my Frend Alex had tha most About 30 a day. Seriusly it was Hilarious. But we had to do lots of Walkin so tht tired Me out abit, And i didnt Like much of tha Food, Nor did Anyone Really So tha Main food We ate Was bread and then Water. So Bread and Water evryday lol. Nitemare first thing i done wen i got back was got me mum to Drive me to McDonalds And get me Nuggets and Chips and Milkshake!! it was So sexy haha. i Delayed my Plane tho on tha way Back becoz i Blackd out n Stuff. Very funny i was not popular wiv tha Otha Passengers =P.